I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
