If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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