my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
