My first STD was from a foam party
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
