you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
