I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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