So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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