Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize