I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
