I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
