i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
