They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Let's paint friendship bongs
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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