My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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