I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
