Heybabeimwearingurpanties
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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