Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
