i jhust puked up my retainher.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
