I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
it's like heaven, but drunker
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize