First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
