The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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