Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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