This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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