Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
