Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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