Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
