Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
