Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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