We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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