Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize