just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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