Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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