Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
