Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
