She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
