No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
