I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
