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• (586): View more from Michigan

  But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?

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• (661): View more from California

  He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.

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