he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hippo gnu deer
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
