My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
