mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
