Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize