Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
