So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
