So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
