Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
