hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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