you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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