God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
