Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize