I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
