There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Randomize
