my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
