I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
