im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
