Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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