Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize