Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
