Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
