I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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