We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize