you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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