My vagina just recognized that song.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
