whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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