I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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