We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
