Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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