I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize