Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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