I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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