you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize