bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
