Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
