direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
