today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
