its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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