Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
