yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize