I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
