Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Someone came in the potted fern
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
