12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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