woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
