I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
