I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
