apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
