I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
