You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize