I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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