counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
