There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
