I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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