the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
