it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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